Tigger has returned to Low Key Watersports, as its Mascot in Residence, and would love it if you stopped by and gave him a pat or a scratch. He even stood up all by himself just to show off for us yesterday. Tigger had a few things to say to us that he wants us to pass on to everybody’s who’s been wishing him well. But first we need a translator. (We’ve sent a transcript to Maddie. Stay tuned.)

The barge way of getting to St. John is a precarious little system. If all the pieces fall neatly into place, it works. If one cog in the wheel breaks, it falls apart. Example. On a recent day, Mr. B was chartered for a special run to St. Croix. But no contingency plan was put in place for the lack of one of the team players. As a result, commuters piled up on both ends. On this afternoon, there were almost 40 vehicles waiting at Red Hook by the time a barge arrived, and when there are more vehicles than a barge can accommodate, people get nasty. And when the Captain gets off the boat and marches around saying “those with returning tickets first” they get even more nasty. Love City mentality goes out the door as you crane your head around and fight for your place in line. The fiercest competitors are the ones in the Suzukis loaded down with cases of paper towels and 50 pound bags of Dog Chow. They’re locals and they’ve just completed their monthly trip to St. Thomas and they’re very very grouchy and want to get home. (Let them go ahead of you.)

When there is a barge breakdown like this, it is like the Filene’s Basement wedding dress grab…only everybody is in reverse. Bottom line: On this day, Red Hook to Enighed Pond, 1 hour, 45 minutes. That first Red Stripe? Priceless.

And yes, that is a CLASSIC, pearlescent white Audi 100 S. I’m going to guess 1992. Coming to St. John. St. Thomas plates, but still, it is coming to St. John. Why? Who? Wouldn’t you love to know how this car got down here? And why? Im thinking a new feature is in the works. “Cars that don’t belong here but are.” (Add that to our profile. We’re car freaks.)

You ease into the waterproof world. It starts with zip lock baggies. Then you find a water-wallet. Then maybe a camera housing, or a water bag. There comes a time when you just want everything to stay dry and you just want it to be convenient.

Here’s our latest waterproofing purchase. A generous, light-weight, 100 percent waterproof backpack. (Really. You can swim from Hawksnest to Gibney with this on your back if you want.)

Lots of interior space…room for cameras and accessories, or picnic lunches and towels…plus personal items like cell phones and wallets) and outside pockets and holders, including space to strap on something like a small tripod or 12G sawed off (Hey, there’s a puma out there somewhere.)

It’s comfortable and easy to carry. The waterproof zipper is a little awkward to close, but it works. And it’s yellow, so it’s cool. Many shapes, sizes and prices. Here’s the Lowepro Website. There’s even room for a couple of Red Stripes.

Retailers put the “It” stuff out for high season. (That means the new stuff that they really hope his a hit.) Here are our two favorite “It” items this season.

On the Coral Bay side, a ball cap built around a bottle opener. (Or a bottle opener built into a ball cap…depends on your priorities.) Very cool hat, with a nice, metal STJ tag on the bill. Functional. Fashionable. Look for it at Big Fish.

On the Cruz Bay side, brand new this season Shark Jerky! A selection of fish-based jerky and if you like jerky, you might just really like a fish version of it. Find it at St. John Spice. (St. John Spice Ron really likes the stuff.)

I really should just stop beating up on this airline. BUT I CAN’T! I should’ve been toes in sand 24 hours ago, but as you read this we are either a) airborne, b) there or c) “there…” by now. But we ended up spending an extra day stuck in DC because US Airways is, well no better than any of the others. (There. That’s as politely as I can assess the current state of air travel.)

Here’s the ONLY thing I want any Mid-Atlantic travelers to glean from this. If you choose Reagan National, DO NOT choose going through Philly to St. Thomas. These flights are plagued. DC is a 20 minute flight from Philadelphia. This particular flight (4086 if you’ve got your play book in front of you) is consistently late, oversold, mechanically delayed or just a downright no show. Long short? Missed connection.

Also, one more tip. See this picture? You will get farther, faster just getting in line and making nice with a counter worker WHILE YOU CALL THE AIRLINE on your phone.

Have you ever noticed ticket counter people will type things into their keyboard forever without saying a word? Peck, peck, peck. Sigh. Tilt head. Peck on the keyboard again for what seems like forever. Stare at the screen. Sigh, Peck, peck. Sigh. 20 minutes can pass with absolutely no words spoken! I think they’re playing Scrabble, not looking for flights.

People in this picture? Screwed. Us? Screwed, but accommodated. (The Willard is a NICE hotel! Insist! Rule 240!) Program the airline’s number into your phone. And say “Hi I’m at the airport and…”