Calling all pirate jokes
Nick in New Hampshire submits his St. John-inspired license plate. He’s a pirate at heart. That means when he wakes up in the morning, he’s groggy. (You get it, right?)
Which reminds us, if you see a bottle of Pyrat rum on St. John, treat yourself. It’s pricey, but smooooth. We’ve only seen in at Pine Peace. Have you seen it other places?
What’s your best pirate joke? Post it. A Pirate Radio bumper sticker to the best one.
We’ll start. “What does a fashionable pirate wear? Arrrrrmani!”
August 22nd, 2008 00:14
I thought it was … ” YAARGH ” …???
I dunno…
August 22nd, 2008 00:49
What does a pirate from Boston say?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
August 22nd, 2008 00:51
Why was the pirate afraid of the circle?
S’cccccccccurvy!
That’s it – I got nothin’ else.
August 22nd, 2008 06:06
FUN!
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? P – it’s an Rrrrrr, but missing a leg.
August 22nd, 2008 06:21
A little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. “oh, i can see you’re dressed up as a pirate.” the man says. “but where are your buccaneers?” the kid gets really mad, and says “on the sides of my buckin’ head!”
August 22nd, 2008 06:50
XIG, you took my joke! I’m going to have to get up a lot earlier to get ahead of you.
Here’s one though. Two pirates were walking down the street and pass a scantily clad, buxom blond. One pirate turns to the other and says, “Wouldn’t you love to screw her?” The other pirate says, “Sure would. Out of what?”
Oh *&#%, it’s LAWYERS, LAWYERS, not pirates. My bad.
Guess I don’t have anything.
August 22nd, 2008 06:50
A pirate and his parrot were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into rum!” The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances.
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and, after a tension-filled moment, spoke: “Now yee’ve done it!! Now we’re goon to have to pee in the boat!”
August 22nd, 2008 06:51
good mornong matie,
what does a pirate have after working out at
“gym in paradise”
stanky ARRRRRRrrrrm-pits
happy friday
qball
August 22nd, 2008 07:20
I saw Pyrat everywhere last week…Starfish Gourmet and the place next to JJ’s whose name I can never remember…what the hell’s the name of it.
I didn’t pick up any though. Got some of the Cruzan with a cork.
Since I lack pirate jokes, here’s one from my daughter. She’s been telling this lately like it’s going out of style:
What do you call 2 banana peels?
A pair of slippers.
Get it? Get it?
Ugh
August 22nd, 2008 07:31
This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel down the front of your pants?”
And the pirate says…
Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!!
August 22nd, 2008 07:36
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says “I see you have a steering wheel tied to your penis” The pirate replies, “ARRRGHHHH and it’s driving me nuts!”
August 22nd, 2008 08:38
I don’t have a joke…
but here’s someone who does…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Smk7pjYYmg4
too bad half his jokes have already been posted….
August 22nd, 2008 08:46
A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some rum.
The bartender asks, “Why are you wearing a paper towel?”
“Arrr…” says the pirate. “I’ve got a bounty on me head!”
August 22nd, 2008 09:09
Ok St. John told the only pirate joke I had and Rob the place next to JJs is Captain’s Corner.
August 22nd, 2008 09:19
I love Liamsaunt’s joke, even better than mine!
August 22nd, 2008 09:20
Why couldn’t the pirate stop thinking about sailing?
He had ship for brains.
August 22nd, 2008 09:23
Arrrggh to Nick and his Krusty Krewe. I not have a pirate
joke for ye, but do know the cheapest place to get the
Pyrat (and Pistol) is at the STT Airport. They also give you
10% off if ye be local. Arrrggh!
JD
August 22nd, 2008 10:34
how much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced ???
a buccanneer !!!!
August 22nd, 2008 10:36
Aaargh Jeff!! And yer mangy jolly mutts too!! Tis a fine day in NH but it’s nothing like a day cavorting and pillaging in Coral Bay …or Burlington. GO TEAM DOG! Woof! Aaargh!
August 22nd, 2008 11:56
My lame attempt:
Why don’t pirates play sports?
There is no AYE in team!
August 22nd, 2008 12:04
A pirate is sitting next to a guy in a bar. He’s your classic pirate…peg leg; hook for a hand; and eye patch. After a few drinks, the guy asks the pirate, “how did you lose your leg?” “ARRGGHH” says the pirate, “a mighty shark took it for a snack.” Well, says the guy, “how did you lose your hand?” Raising his hook, “ARRGGHH” says the pirate, “lost it in a fierce sword fight!” “What about the eye patch?” asks the guy. “AARRGGHH”, says the pirate, “first day with me new hook.”
August 22nd, 2008 12:10
What has 8 legs, 8 arms and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.
Okay, I’m done now.
August 22nd, 2008 12:28
What kind of cheese does a pirate eat-
Jaaaaaaarlsberg!
August 22nd, 2008 13:33
Late lunch? This one is walking distance to my office.
Virginia ABC Store
1731 Wilson Boulevard, Arlington, VA 22209
Pyrat XO Reserve 750ml $36.90
http://www.abc.state.va.us/Pricelist/RUM_IMPORTED.html
I’ve always wanted to try Redrum.
Where’s my lime?
Cheers, RickG
August 22nd, 2008 15:10
While playing poker, what did the captain say to his first mate when he spilled rum all over the cards?
ARRrrgh matey, swab the deck!!!!
August 22nd, 2008 16:29
Redrum…..hmmmm…The Shining?
August 22nd, 2008 18:15
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences, when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”. The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid”. The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!!”
[Thanks and a hat tip to the Google]
August 22nd, 2008 21:37
Have seen Pyrat at the Starfish Market Gourmet store.
Thank goodness we have it here at home too…its fabulous!
August 23rd, 2008 00:21
What was “Pirates of the Carribean” rated?
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
August 23rd, 2008 08:38
Of course they wear Arrrrrrmani… but only in Arrrrrgyle
August 23rd, 2008 09:23
ARRRGGGGG … Don’t we get a new story for Saturday? I’m tired of the pirate jokes.
August 23rd, 2008 10:06
Aye, St. John. Give me new booty, er ye may be forced ter walk de plank! Arrgggg.
August 23rd, 2008 10:53
I never realized there were so many dorks on St.John.
August 23rd, 2008 16:05
If ye think we be dorks then ye be not a Coral Bay pirate like me. Shirt hat boat and all. Timber me shivers. May ye never set sail on board with a Coarl Bay pirate!
August 23rd, 2008 18:52
Arrrrrrrgh! the gh is not pronounced unless you are the famous Nick A . Dorks on St.John? Where???, Your’e just jealous you don’t live where relaxing and beauty is an everyday affair. Clearly Nick has taken a piece of paradise home to reminisce every time he’s in his chariot. Lets go sailing, party, and laugh until it hurts.
August 24th, 2008 10:03
ALeathea’s Resturant in Cape May NJ Serves Pyrat……Arrrrrrrrgh …
August 24th, 2008 18:05
AND THE WINNER IS…????
C’mon guys, the suspense is killing me.
August 25th, 2008 07:43
I vote for this one!
Xislandgirl
August 22nd, 2008 06:21 5A little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. “oh, i can see you’re dressed up as a pirate.” the man says. “but where are your buccaneers?” the kid gets really mad, and says “on the sides of my buckin’ head!”
August 25th, 2008 13:27
Of course, one thing to keep in mind is what’s under that license plate frame—the state motto “Live Free or Die”. Just in case some of you swashbucklers get big ideas.
August 25th, 2008 14:03
The thing I don’t get about the speech impediment one is how having a speech impediment affects the kids hearing. I know, I’m nitpicking.
August 25th, 2008 14:03
An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea.
Noting the pirate’s peg-leg, hook and eye patch, the seaman asks, “So how did you end up with the peg-leg?”
The pirate replies, “We was caught in a monster storm off the Cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of ‘em bit my leg off.”
“Blimey!” said the seaman, “What about the hook?”
“Ahhh…” mused the pirate, “we were boardin’ a trader ship, pistols blastin’ and swords swingin’ this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off.”
“Zounds!” emarked the seaman. “And how came ye by the eye patch?”
“A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye”, answered the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well…” said the pirate, “It was me first day with the hook.”
August 25th, 2008 14:23
HA! Yeah I tried to get them to take out the “or die” part but we’re surrounded by buckin conservatives
August 25th, 2008 17:10
And the winner is…????
Please, please tell us. I’d like to stop looking at this thread.
August 25th, 2008 22:53
My vote is with Xislandgirl.
Please announce a winner before Marcia wets her pants.