In Memory Of: My Dad

That’s my Dad, who passed away today after a mercifully short battle with cancer.

The good looking guy on the right is my older brother. The little punk with no fish is me.

I could’ve been holding a fish. There were plenty in the cooler. But I didn’t catch any fish that day, and my Dad liked to occasionally remind us you can’t have anything unless you earn it. (But he mostly set the bar generously low.)

He taught us lots of other things too. Like, if you have to throw up, you gotta do it three times in a row without getting up or it doesn’t count. Vegetarians are bad hunters. God and The Church don’t always see eye to eye. Just make sure God and you do. And my favorite. The richest man in the world is the one who doesn’t owe anybody a dime. (I’m still working on that one Dad.)

My Dad had a booming voice, a big presence, and an enormous heart.

His favorite fictional character was Sam Spade, and that was his nickname for me. Every single conversation began with a thunderous “Hello Sam Spade!,” and ended every single time with a cautionary “Watch your backside.” I am, Dad.  And I will miss you terribly.

(We’ll be back in a couple of days.)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008 at 5:08 pm and is filed under General News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

110 Responses to “In Memory Of: My Dad”

1. mbw
   December 30th, 2008 17:10
   1

   Jeff,
   very very sorry to hear. Our thoughts go out to you and your family.

2. Marcia (Mrs. Pete)
   December 30th, 2008 17:31
   2

   I am so, so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man. All my best, Marcia

3. BrianS
   December 30th, 2008 17:32
   3

   My sympathies, Jeff. Losing your dad is about as tough as it gets. Take consolation in his words of wisdom, and be grateful, as I’m sure you will, for the good times you had. Our best to you and your family…

4. Capt. John
   December 30th, 2008 17:35
   4

   We are so sorry Jeff, our heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.

   Sue and John

5. Debra
   December 30th, 2008 17:45
   5

   Jeff – you have our deepest sympathies. You will always have those great memories of your Dad to hold in your heart. What a great tribute to him by sharing with all of us.

6. Paula
   December 30th, 2008 17:54
   6

   Jeff,

   My sympahties to you and your family. So sorry for your loss.

7. Christina
   December 30th, 2008 18:12
   7

   so sorry for your loss. you and your family will be in my thoughts. beautifully written post.

8. Dave
   December 30th, 2008 18:21
   8

   Very sorry man, I lost my pops 3 years ago. He sounded like a great man.

   Best,
   Dave

9. Gretchen
   December 30th, 2008 18:23
   9

   Oh, Jeff. My heart aches for you and your family. I am so sorry. The tribute to your Dad is wonderful. Memories will last forever.

   XO

10. xislandgirl
    December 30th, 2008 18:24
    10

    Jeff, I am so very sorry for your loss. All my sympathies to you and your family.

11. denise
    December 30th, 2008 18:26
    11

    Jeff: I’m so sorry to hear of your dads passing…My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for sharing a little of your dad’s words of wisdom with us. I’m sure he’s looking down chuckling at those teachings. Wishing you happier days ahead…

12. Ed Selby
    December 30th, 2008 18:32
    12

    I have something caught in my eye….

    Condolences to you and your family. You dad sounds like a “character”

13. Jen
    December 30th, 2008 18:34
    13

    So sorry for your loss, Jeff. Re-live fond memories frequently and let them comfort you. Peace.

14. CTC
    December 30th, 2008 18:40
    14

    Sending my condolences. It’s such a difficult rite of passage. But the happy thoughts remain,

15. Laura From Napa Valley
    December 30th, 2008 19:07
    15

    Jeff,

    Losing a parent is one of the hardest things to do. I lost my Mom 7 years ago and I still miss hearing her voice everyday. The memories that they leave behind are precious. Our sympathy goes to you and your family. God Bless!

    Laura

16. Pete (Mr. Marcia)
    December 30th, 2008 19:07
    16

    I, too, am sorry for your loss. I never felt so alone as the day my dad died. It’s only then that you realize that there is no more safety net. It makes you grow up, no matter how old you are when it happens.

    We all have to go through it, but I’m sorry that you are right now.

    Be well, Pete

17. linda
    December 30th, 2008 19:16
    17

    Jeff
    We are so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.
    Peace be with you.
    Linda & Bob

18. Canucknyc
    December 30th, 2008 19:27
    18

    Jeff,
    So very sorry for your loss. It sounds like your dad was a great man. Peace to you and your family.

19. RD
    December 30th, 2008 19:46
    19

    Jeff,

    So sorry about the loss of your Dad. The thoughts and prayers of your On-STJ family are with you.

20. Ruth
    December 30th, 2008 19:56
    20

    Jeff,
    Thank you for sharing that photo and your memories with us.
    We will all be here when you return.
    Peace.
    - Ruth

21. Chicago Steve
    December 30th, 2008 20:24
    21

    Jeff, that photo says a lot… the spirit of adventure must run in the family. You were lucky to have had such a great role model. Best wishes in this sad time.
    Steve

22. Kristi
    December 30th, 2008 21:10
    22

    I am so sorry for your loss. You’ve got a lot of positive vibes coming your way – wishing you and your family much peace.

23. zen
    December 30th, 2008 21:18
    23

    I feel your pain.
    God Bless

24. wally
    December 30th, 2008 21:33
    24

    Wish you and your family strength and peace during this sad time and celebrate the good memories you all had together. He will be with you in spirit always.

25. George
    December 30th, 2008 22:25
    25

    Jeff-My condolences on your lose. Although my father died over 15 years ago, we still have conversations, and I still am learning from his bank of wisdom. May you too gain additional insight from your father as time goes by.

26. Mike Mullen
    December 30th, 2008 22:41
    26

    Jeff

    I know your dad must bave been very proud of you as a son and person for what you have accomplished. He will smile down on you each dad and say to his buddies “That’s my son, look at him and what he has done in the world – I’m a proud father.”

    I’m most sorry for your loss.

27. Polly
    December 30th, 2008 22:43
    27

    Jeff,
    So So So Sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. Rembember what he taught you, and live by his words, he is still and will always be with you and your family. I know how it hurts, Thank you for sharing this very personal experience with all of us. My Heart is with you and your family.
    Polly

28. Chase & Maria
    December 30th, 2008 22:54
    28

    We are so very sorry to hear of your loss – you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

    God bless,
    Chase & Maria

29. NoTanLines
    December 30th, 2008 23:48
    29

    Jeff,

    We were so sorry to read about your father passing. He sounded like quite a guy. Hugs to you and your family. Our prayers go out to you. Thank you for sharing with your St. John family on such a difficult day.

    Christine and Rick

30. Larry
    December 31st, 2008 00:10
    30

    Jeff,

    You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Peace to you and your family. I see all of the best times with your Dad are with you and will always be there.

    God bless your and your family,

    Larry

31. SJfromNJ
    December 31st, 2008 00:48
    31

    I like the way you describe your Dad. Keep those memories alive.

    I cant wait to take my son fishing this spring.

    I am sorry for your loss and my condolences and prayers to your family,

32. buddy
    December 31st, 2008 01:05
    32

    Jeff,
    I’m so sorry but I’m sure your Dad is looking eye to eye with God at this very moment.
    Time and memories will help make you peaceful.

    Bud

33. buddy
    December 31st, 2008 01:08
    33

    Jeff,
    What is your Dad’s name?

34. Eileen
    December 31st, 2008 07:13
    34

    Oh Jeff, I am so sorry.
    Great photo and tribute.

35. David NC
    December 31st, 2008 07:15
    35

    Sorry to hear of your loss. It’s a difficult time when we lose someone we love. Sounds like you have good memories.

36. Pia
    December 31st, 2008 07:22
    36

    I am so, so sorry for your loss – my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.

    Pia

37. Carib Mark
    December 31st, 2008 07:24
    37

    God Bless you all and may the New Year bring you joy and more wonderful memories. Peace to all.

38. Tanya
    December 31st, 2008 07:32
    38

    Jeff is sounds like your father was a great man; I’m sorry for your loss.

39. Rob7
    December 31st, 2008 07:44
    39

    Condolences, Jeff, will be thinking about you and all those you love this week. Take care of yourself and family

40. Howard
    December 31st, 2008 07:46
    40

    You have our deepest sympathies. Thank you so much for sharing some wonderful memories of your dad with us. I lost my dad at 23 and now 17 years later, he’s still with me every single day.

41. Carolyn
    December 31st, 2008 08:09
    41

    So saddened for your loss.

    Please accept my condolenceses.

    You will find great comfort in those fantastic memories that your Dad provided. He appears to have been a wonderful role model and you have the rest of your life to recall his wisdom.It takes time to recover from a loss like this. Please allow yourselves as long as necessary…it’s not a race.

    You both have many friends in our thoughts and prayers,

    Peace. Carolyn

42. rob
    December 31st, 2008 08:13
    42

    I’m so sorry to hear, Jeff. Your family will be in our thoughts.

    Stay well.

    -rob

43. Randy
    December 31st, 2008 08:16
    43

    Jeff – Our hearts ache for you… Know that your Dad will always be with you and after the pain goes away you’ll begin to think about him and smile again…

    All the best – Randy & Marcia

44. Kevin
    December 31st, 2008 08:17
    44

    Jeff –

    Our deepest sympathies for your loss. Just from your short peice here is sounded like your dad was a great man and you shared some great memories and life lessons.

    Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

    - Kevin

45. Cathy
    December 31st, 2008 08:40
    45

    Deepest sympathy to you and your family. Memories are wonderful when you lose someone dear.

46. Robin
    December 31st, 2008 09:00
    46

    What a touching eulogy for what sounds like a wonderful man. I’m glad his suffering was short so you can remember him in the good times.

47. Mike F
    December 31st, 2008 09:23
    47

    Jeff – Our condolences. Always cherish those fond memories..

    Mike and Stacey

48. Lesley
    December 31st, 2008 09:38
    48

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Jeff. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones. And thank you for sharing those touching memories of your dad.

    Lesley

49. Shannon
    December 31st, 2008 09:41
    49

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I’ve lost more than one family member to cancer and am relieved for your dad, you and your family that his battle was short. Thank you so much for sharing your memories. I couldn’t help but smile because it reminded me of some of the words of wisdom from my own dad. Take as much time as you need, we will be here when you return.

    A dedicated reader in Texas

50. mark from gym in paradise
    December 31st, 2008 09:43
    50

    sorry to read about your loss. prayers will go out to you and your family. remember the good times,the lessons, and the love.

51. Tracy
    December 31st, 2008 09:46
    51

    Jeff-

    Thank you so much for sharing the memories you have of your dad. Despite all the pain you are in right now, I am sure the vivid memories of him and his booming voice will carry you through. We are thinking of you with sincere sympathy.

    Tracy

52. Heather
    December 31st, 2008 10:14
    52

    Jeff,

    I am very sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like he was a good man.

53. sarahd
    December 31st, 2008 10:21
    53

    Jeff, I’m so sorry about your dad. Your description of him made me smile though. What a wonderful guy and a wonderful dad he must have been. Thanks for sharing your memories of him here. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family….

54. Pat.
    December 31st, 2008 10:23
    54

    Jeff – very sorry to hear you sad news. Many wonderful memories will live on and you will cherish Dad forever.

55. Ali
    December 31st, 2008 10:50
    55

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. May all your fond memories lighten your heavy heart. There’s nothing more painful than losing someone you love, but be thankful that your Dad did not have to suffer and know that he has found peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Ali~

56. chrisn
    December 31st, 2008 11:09
    56

    Sorry to hear this sad news. My deepest sympathy and condelences go out to you and your family at this time. May your memories of him bring your peace.

57. Bill in KY
    December 31st, 2008 11:26
    57

    Jeff-So sorry to hear of the passing of your Dad. I lost my Dad to cancer two years ago. God was merciful to my Dad as he had no prolonged period of suffering. I still miss him every day, but I take comfort in knowing he is reunited with my Mom. I pray that you will be comforted by thoughts of days such as those pictured above, as well as the many other good days you shared with your Dad. I also pray that you and your family have a peace during this time of grief.

58. Karen
    December 31st, 2008 11:44
    58

    Your father sounds like a most wonderful man. Try to think about how lucky you were to have him in your life instead of how much you will miss him. God Bless. Karen

59. quenton
    December 31st, 2008 11:57
    59

    jeff
    my deepest sympathy to you and your family.
    my wife lost her mother and i lost a close friend this year after working with him for 26 years. we both still talk to them everday, and we always will. memories last a life time.
    god bless you and your family.

60. Ron
    December 31st, 2008 12:34
    60

    Jeff,
    So sorry about your Dad. I know how tough last week was for you.
    Stay well my friend.
    - Ron

61. stj_gal
    December 31st, 2008 13:13
    61

    So sorry to hear the news – please take care.

62. Bart Wailes
    December 31st, 2008 13:23
    62

    Sorry for your loss Jeff.
    The passings of our mother’s and father’s is never easy. Hopefully we are all able to put our own lives into better perspective when it happens to each of us.

63. Bonnie Fenton
    December 31st, 2008 13:37
    63

    May his memories be a blessing…… and may you cherish both all that he was as you move forth in life…… life does return to “normal” but it will be a “new normal”……… both my parent shave died within the past 3 years and I find that the tears slowly grow less and the memories become stronger and more important!

    Hold on dearly to those you love and know that he wants you to live in the present and for the future and not get stuck in the past…..

    peace……. Bonnie

64. Bill in Va
    December 31st, 2008 14:11
    64

    Sandie and I send our thoughts and prayers to you. We don’t grieve for you we grieve with you. We both have lost our Dad’s and know the whole that is in your heart. May the good Lord fill it with sweet memories…God bless..Bill and Sandie

65. Julie
    December 31st, 2008 14:25
    65

    Jeff
    So sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family during this difficult time.

66. Flip-Flop
    December 31st, 2008 14:48
    66

    Jeff – So sorry for your loss but happy for you to have such memories of an obviously great dad.

    Peace,
    Amy/Flip-Flop

67. Susan
    December 31st, 2008 15:34
    67

    So sorry to hear of the loss of your father but so far you’re doing the right thing and keeping all those wonderful memories close and sharing them with others. I lost my mom just over a year ago and it still hurts terribly but I’m so thankful for all the wonderful memories, that’s what really matters.

68. joan
    December 31st, 2008 15:59
    68

    jeff,

    thanks for sharing your memories of your dad with us. you are so blessed to have had such a wonderful man in your life. may all the peace and grace and mercies belong to you and your family as you navigate through this time of loss and grief.

    i am truly sorry.
    joan

69. Rosi
    December 31st, 2008 16:27
    69

    Jeff,
    Thank you for sharing those memories, that is what is th most important.
    Am sorry for your loss, sometimes it is better when someone does not have to battle long with cancer.
    You will be blessed with another angel in heaven watching over you and helping.

70. John H
    December 31st, 2008 16:59
    70

    Jeff, sorry to hear the news. I lost my dad at 16. At 50 it still hurts. Memories such as the one you have with him fishing will outshine the hurt–eventually.

71. Boston Mike
    December 31st, 2008 18:19
    71

    Jeff,

    So sorry for your loss. He is in a better place now and will give his shine down in the times you need it.

72. Larry
    December 31st, 2008 19:09
    72

    Jeff,

    You father sounds like he was a great guy. Sorry to hear of your loss. Heaven just got a little more crowded.

    Larry

73. Colleen
    December 31st, 2008 19:55
    73

    Gosh! What a way to bring 2008 to a close. I know your Dad’s spirit will live on strongly in 2009 and beyond.
    Looks like he led an adventurous long life. You are following in his footsteps quite well Jeff.
    Good thing you know St. John is a healing force!
    God bless~~

74. island fever
    December 31st, 2008 20:26
    74

    Jeff,

    So sorry my friend. May you find comfort and peace in your treasured memories. And may they always bring a smile.

75. Greg and Dale
    December 31st, 2008 21:51
    75

    Jeff – Your dad raised a son who has created quite a wonderful virtual community here. And now you’re getting all of that love right back atcha! We’re sure he is damn proud of you and will eternally know that you love him. You know only a very few of us but you have shared so much of yourself and your passion for STJ, which is enough common ground to say that we are family and feel your pain in some way. Rest well, Papa Clabaugh!!

76. Lynn
    December 31st, 2008 21:52
    76

    Jeff,

    This time of year is always an emotional time for me but hearing of your Dad’passing has just made me sadder. I am so sorry for your great loss. Thank you for sharing such a a sweet memory. My prayers are with you and your family Sam Spade!!

77. Debbie
    December 31st, 2008 22:47
    77

    Jeff-
    Cherish the time spent
    Cherish everyday
    Cherish the love of your friends; you know, and those who know of you
    Cherish your DAD for who he was – the greatest!

    My thoughts and prayers to you and yours
    May he rest in peace; and watch over you
    He will always be in your heart!

78. Kelli
    January 1st, 2009 01:00
    78

    Hi Jeff,

    Thanks for the joy you have given my husband and I when we are away from our spiritual home – St John.
    Unfortunately I am familiar with your pain. I hope our pops are having a laugh (maybe about our foibles) together.

    With love and sympathy,
    Kelli and John

79. jennifer
    January 1st, 2009 07:19
    79

    i am so very sorry. you are in our prayers.

80. bj
    January 1st, 2009 08:49
    80

    Jeff,

    Sympathy to you and your family. My Dad passed in 1984 it still hurts but my wonderful memories are always there for comfort. I am sure your Dad and mine are smiling down on us from heaven.

81. Michele
    January 1st, 2009 11:07
    81

    Jeff,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember that you will never be without your Dad because he will forever remain in your heart. My thoughts and prayers go out to your entire circle.

    XOXO
    Bug

82. Lady C
    January 1st, 2009 12:16
    82

    Many gentle thoughts and warm blessings; I can’t imagine how tough that one is. But you’re left with all you’ve learned from him. May you feel pride as you carry on your own dreams, inspired by many of the things he taught you.

83. Kathleen
    January 1st, 2009 19:41
    83

    “May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.”
    An Irish Blessing
    Thinking of you Jeff Sam and Kathleen

84. Dave & Jenni
    January 2nd, 2009 09:46
    84

    Hi Jeff – few words can provide comfort in these times, but please accept our sincere condolences. We read On St.John every day (we’re STJ addicts as well) and just wanted to drop you a quick note of support. – D&J

85. TomB
    January 2nd, 2009 10:32
    85

    Prayers and Thoughts

86. Helen
    January 2nd, 2009 10:48
    86

    So sorry for your loss. He he had to have been a wonderful guy. Those of us who read your page know he raised a great son.

87. Lysa
    January 2nd, 2009 11:21
    87

    peace be with you and your family…

88. SteveV
    January 2nd, 2009 11:47
    88

    Jeff,

    I sorry about you father’s passing…
    He sounds like a very loving and caring man.
    I hope I can pass on such wisdom to my own kids and help them through this crazy world.

    I wasn’t was good at catching fish when I was a kid either…

89. Gromit
    January 2nd, 2009 11:49
    89

    I lost my Dad to cancer in September, 2001 and I wish I could say it will stop hurting but it truly never does.

    Ironically my Dad’s reminder to me was, “None of us get out of this alive.”

    It’s my constant reminder to live my best life and to not waste a single day of it.

    My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.

    Hugs!

    Gromit

90. liamsaunt
    January 2nd, 2009 12:38
    90

    Jeff, I am very sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

91. Jeff T
    January 2nd, 2009 14:04
    91

    Jeff,

    I’m sorry for your loss, but I love the picture. Your father produced a good son.

    I have enjoyed your writing, pictures, and video for many years, although this is my first post (classic lurker). Thank you!!!

92. Ashley
    January 2nd, 2009 16:54
    92

    May his memory bring you peace and comfort.

93. Bigcheeze
    January 3rd, 2009 07:03
    93

    So sorry for your lost, dad’s can be the best in shaping their little boys into men.

    Dave

94. Nascarfan59
    January 3rd, 2009 19:12
    94

    Jeff,

    Sorry for your lost. Your family will be in our prayers.

    Mike & Becky

95. Claire
    January 3rd, 2009 21:09
    95

    I can’t imagine life without my dad. I love him so much. I really feel for you. What a wonderful picture! Thank you for sharing it. I am so very sorry for your loss of your father.

96. 2Feathers
    January 3rd, 2009 21:14
    96

    So sorry to hear… Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    God bless,
    2Feathers

97. aroobagirl
    January 3rd, 2009 21:23
    97

    What you wrote is a testament to a life well lived. May your memories provide you some comfort during this time of loss. Thank God he didn’t suffer long.
    That the party has to end sucks…

98. Ken & Elisa
    January 4th, 2009 08:32
    98

    I hope the many wonderful memories bring you peace and comfort during this hard time. Take comfort that there is a new angel in heaven mwho will look over you. Remember, it’s not a final goodbye, you will see him again someday

99. joe pagan
    January 4th, 2009 13:22
    99

    So Sorry for your family’s loss…..Thoughts & prayers are with you all

100. St. John
     January 4th, 2009 13:55
     100

     Jeff – I hope these 100+ posts have given you & your family comfort knowing that so many people are thinking of you.

101. Nikki Britain
     January 4th, 2009 18:45
     101

     I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. You’re in my prayers.
     xoxo Nik

102. JT
     January 5th, 2009 08:33
     102

     From your description, I wish I’d known him.

103. CA Girl
     January 5th, 2009 18:14
     103

     I’m sorry to hear such sad news, but I’m glad his battle was short. I hope to be as lucky when it’s my time. You and your family are in my thoughts & prayers.

104. Jelly Bean
     January 6th, 2009 00:32
     104

     I feel for you, may time take its healing course. Be strong.

105. Betty & Harley
     January 6th, 2009 11:25
     105

     Dear Jeff,

     Harley and I want you to know how sorry we are to hear the news of your father passing. We are thinking of you and lets get together soon.

     Betty $ Harley

106. Ms Perelandra
     January 6th, 2009 15:02
     106

     Hi Jeff,

     I just read this now. My heart goes out to you. It’s hard losing anyone who has shaped your life but especially a parent you’re close with.

     I can’t tell you how many times I reached for the phone to call my Mom after she died or dreamed about her being alive, thinking her death was just a nightmare, only to wake up and realize it wasn’t. It does hurt less over time, though the sorrow may catch you by surprise at the oddest times.

     You’ll also recognize more and more of your Dad in your reflection in your mirror each morning, and hear him more often in conversations with your brother.

     In closing, my thoughts keep going to 1 Thessalonians 4:13 for you: “we do not grieve as those who have no hope.”

107. Homer Hickam
     January 6th, 2009 17:06
     107

     My condolences, Jeff. It appears you had a wonderful father and therefore were well blessed. In fact, you still are!

     Homer

108. Barb Y
     January 12th, 2009 14:16
     108

     Jeff I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and enjoy keep your Dad close with those wonderful memories.

109. Tsmann
     January 17th, 2009 22:18
     109

     for some reason, your father’s God/church comment made me think of a Groucho Marx quote I heard on NPR today, something to the affect: I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. Not that their quotes are related at all, but they seem to have the same cynical twist to them.

110. Claire
     January 7th, 2010 22:35
     110

     Jeff,
     I guess the best word to describe the last few weeks is ‘different’. Even with the distractions of snow storms and heightened terrorist alerts, I’m sure there’s an ache that can still be debilitating at times. I have shamelessly stolen your father’s words over this past year; his ability to summarize one’s relationship with God is nothing short of poetic. Thank you for sharing something so profound yet simple; would that we all learn from your father! I hope you are finding peace.

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